My AH came back yesterday and picked up his van and the things I packed for him. After he texted me to let me know he was gone and if I wanted to talk. I refused and didn't answer anything else. The kids were worried when we got home and noticed the van missing. I made up some nonsense that would calm them for now. Once they were all in bed I had my break down. Then got everything ready for work and school. Sometimes I feel like a robot with only small moments of hysterical humanity. I am in the process of choosing an online Al Anon meeting, trying to get a good fit and will send them my first email today. I know it isn't as good as face to face but I have to start somewhere. I am afraid of unraveling anymore than I already am. Day to day… that is what I am doing now. Communicating with all of you gives me strength and shows me lovely future possibilities. Thank you