it's setting and enforcing boundaries around what you are willing to accept. For example, if you continue to criticize me every time we drive we'll have to drive separately. Then, when he does it, you stop driving with him anywhere.
With my wife I had to set a boundary around her blaming me for her hospitalization bills from the last time she threatened suicide-- don't bring it up again or we cannot continue our relationship. It wasn't a bluff, she knew it, and she stopped. Ironically, her hospitalization came after I told her the next time she threatened suicide I'd call the police. She did and I did.
That was more than two years ago and she hasn't breathed a word about suicide since-- and she won't or her ass will end up in the hospital again.
But, if you can't or won't set boundaries around what is acceptable for you there really isn't an answer. It will never change.
Good luck.
Cyranoak
Originally Posted by
lizatola 
I guess I should talk about his good qualities at some point. He is a great dad and just now I heard the two of them laughing hysterically together, like they always do. He gave me flowers and a card for St Patricks Day, he is making an effort to commit to our marriage again. Since I've know him he's been the biggest malcontent I've ever met, well except for his mother and brother(they're worse). He is on antidepressants now so his anxiety is so much better. He used to get so upset by the neighbor's landscapers that he'd go out and confront them and tell them to use a rake. He was so vindictive over his company's new compensation package that he smashed his company provided laptop on the ground numerous times, breaking it, and then lying to them and telling them that there's 'just something wrong with it'. Since the antidepressants, it's just his attitude towards others that grates on my nerves.
Anyway, I was just looking for some Al Anon strategies on how to handle someone who has a comment for everyone. He's not like that every day nor is he like this every minute so there is good there that balances the negative. I guess I'm just looking for ideas on how to handle that kind of stuff. When we're at home and he starts talking to the TV, I can leave the room and go do something else. When we're in the car or in public, it's much harder to get away. He's told me that he doesn't know why he does this stuff when I'm around, it's like he wants an audience or an accomplice to his attitudes.