Trying to quit the drinking is killing you because you have once again made your body physically dependent on it. You're at a point where you HAVE to drink now unless you go and get some help. Trust me on this ... I was there a couple of weeks ago ... decided I'd finally had enough of this "I can have just one," then drink, then get wasted, then be hungover, then have to drink again to feel better ... rinse and repeat cycle. Did a medical detox and I'm sober again now for 14 days and it's the last time. You know you don't want this thing in your life ... now you have a BIG decision to make. And your choices are pretty simple at this point ... keep going the way you are and work yourself into an early grave (probably sooner rather than later), or decide this is IT and get yourself into detox. You're about out of options and I know I speak for the rest of us when I say that we'd much rather see you choose life.