Legal, please don't mix the 2. You are playing a deadly game.
The alcohol will pull you into its horrible abyss & make you think you need it but you don't.
Please get help. Detox, rehab, whatever.
You don't have to live like this. You can be free.
Have you tried AA?
It will only get worse & you may accidentally killing yourself.
Please don't do that. We care & want you to get better.