RoundII, what I wanted out of al-anon when I first started was for the pain and suffering to end. I met a lot of great people there and discovered that I was not alone. A great first step.
I also learned that my suffering had a cause. The cause once you understand it is simple but learning to understand it is very hard. My suffering was caused by my inability to accept reality as it is. I needed to change reality, to change my wife into something she isn't, to hide my shame at what she really was, to hide my pain, to change the past some how and make this not happen, to control the future to keep it from continuing to happen. My life had become unmanageable and I was powerless to do and change all those things that I wanted to change.
Next I learned that there is a cure.
Finally I learned that the cure is my program/practice. To me the emphasis is on mine. Each of us has to learn to walk our own path once we figure out what it is ans al-anon was a great place for me to figure that out. My program forced my to look at my life as it really was and to realize that I had choices and I had control. I had no control over other people, places and things but I had complete control over how I chose to react to them.
By the way, what I have just described is the 1st 3 steps of al-anon and the 4 noble truths of buddhism.
Steps 4 through 9 are about letting go of the past. To let go you need to revisit it, see your role in what happened and let go. I did this through journaling. I wrote pages every day for months until I cleared most of the garbage out of my head. I still have things pop up but now I recognize what they are and have the tools to defuse them and let them go. I choose not to let the past ruin my now.
Finally for me the last 3 steps are about this is a program or a practice. It is something you work every day. For me that is done through mindfulness and meditation and running.
That is how I as an atheistic buddhist work my program. I hope it gives you some ideas on how to work yours.
Also, I don't have any problems listening to people share about how their higher powers or even god comforts them because there are often lessons in there that I can use. For example a god box. I have heard about that a lot in meetings. You take a problem that is bothering you, write it down and stick it in the god box. At that point it become's god's problem and not yours. A good way to identify where you are living in the future and not in the now and to bring your self back. I use a different technique but the purpose is exactly the same.
Your friend,