I was going to post this in the "Feelings Check In" thread, but this is a bit lengthy for that, so I figured it would be more considerate to just start my own thread.
Today (for right now), I'm feeling irritable and frustrated, and a little bit of guilt and compassion, and definitely some judgement.
Irritable and frustrated: We are being asked more and more to babysit our four year-old niece, as my BIL has moved in with my MIL, and she is now watching our niece every weekend, all weekend. It's my opinion that my MIL has been overextending herself for a long time when it comes to babysitting my niece, and with her codependent friend who has such severe PTSD that she is afraid to get on a bus and go to the store by herself.
Frustrated because it is a real inconvenience to always be asked to watch a four year-old right around the time that our son is trying to lay down for his nap (he never takes his nap when we're babysitting, and he's always a little overstimulated after his cousin leaves).
Also a lot of frustration because my husband does not ever want to talk about these things or look at them realistically. God forbid he acknowledge that his mom has overextended herself and is asking us to take on some of that responsibility.
Compassionate because I know MIL and her codependent friend with severe PTSD need to go to the grocery store, and my niece might need the stability that my MIL offers, as her parents have recently separated.
Guilty because my MIL and her friend watch our son occasionally (maybe once a week for an afternoon/evening so that we can get our cleaning done, have some time to ourselves, or during emergencies, like when our freezer became unplugged and we had to clean out a freezer full of rancid meat, etc.), and I really do enjoy watching my niece and playing dress-up with her, etc.
Annoyed by the whole situation, as we watched our niece for about three hours yesterday during my son's nap time; he did not take his nap because there's just too much going on even when a four year-old is trying to be quiet, and today...
We got a call asking again to babysit our niece, because my BIL left for work with her the seat in his truck. Sorry, not our problem.
Guilty because of the whole "we're family, we help each other, that's just what we do" mantra that my husband's family likes to chant regularly.
They do help us, but I feel that my MIL's codependency is not my problem. Also, I have the personal feeling that my MIL's motives for dedicating so much time with my niece aren't always the healthiest. I don't know how to describe that feeling right now, because I've had too much coffee and my blood sugar is about to crash...
Guilty because I don't mind watching my niece, but it needs to be something that is not going to intrude on our weekend--our only time to relax and have our own family time, etc.
Frustrated because my MIL goes on endlessly about how her grandchildren are her WORLD, but it seems like more of a bartering system going on than just a "hey, you could have some time with your grandson once or twice a week, and we could get some things done...if you need a babysitter for our niece once in a while, after our son has had his nap, that would be fun..." and more like a "I watched the baby last week and am going to watch him tonight, so could you please disrupt your entire weekend so that I can continue overextending myself", or "since I watched the baby for the evening, could you go ahead and wash my car for me tomorrow?" type of dynamic.
I would possibly be more receptive to the bartering system if it wasn't such a big "Oh, it's a PRIVILEGE for me to spend time with my grandchildren, I LIVE for it!" declaration, and if she watched him for days at a time like she does our niece. But we don't ask her to watch him for more than an afternoon/evening, probably once a week, sometimes twice a week.
Anyway, there's not much I can do about it, except to set boundaries with my husband, which he generally agrees with, about what time of day and when/how often we can babysit.
So that's the best I can do, but I am feeling frustrated, annoyed, and guilty today.
