haven't completely commited to being sober, but on day two
I'm back. I think mostly because I received so much support before, and I could really use that in my life right now.
On Tuesday, I got wasted on two very strong cocktails. And I hadn't eaten anything. It was really embarassing because I was at this super classy bar, and I think I was kind of loud, and was drunk-texting someone, which ended up being extremely and horribly embarrassing after the couple hours it took to sober up.
I did eat at the bar, after I realized that the drinks really, really hit me. I felt a lot better, and but knew I was still a little tipsy. My friend offered to drive me home, but if I left my car where it was (2 hour parking), I would get a ticket. So yeah, I drove home. I'm SOOOO ashamed of that. It's hard for me to admit, even here, where you guys don't even know me. I feel like everyone is going to be pissed with me that I put my life and others lives' in jeapordy. However, the other part of me says that by the time I left, I wasn't wasted anymore. And I didn't have any problems staying in the lines, or swirving. But I did have to concentrate a little more than usual. I know it wasn't a good decision.
Anyway, I was all the way sober by the late evening, and was able to take my non-narcotic/non-benzo sleep med, and I slept perfectly. It had been at least a week or two since I slept well. Yesterday, I didn't drink at all, and it wasn't difficult at all to not drink. I even went to a brewery for happy hour food, and didn't drink. My reasoning in doing that was that I could get a full meal for super cheap.
I haven't drank today, but last week, I made plans to go to the brewery with a friend, to watch a movie they are showing tonight. I still want to go. I know I will be told here to not go. But I go back to my thinking that I don't really have a "problem". How can I have an alcohol problem if I only drink two or three drinks a night? And I'm not talking about the super fancy, strong drinks that I had on Tuesday. Normally, I'm a pretty cheap drinker.
I hope I'm not pissing you all off. Isn't this called the precontemplation stage in recovery terminology?