Hi Legalage,
Good for you on stopping and throwing away the Xanax. It shows that you are serious again.
I would like to add that I would read Langah's considered and constructive post carefully and try to respond honestly for yours and others sobriety. What you have gone through is not just a lesson to you but to all of us. Who knows, what you may say will strike a chord in another member and give them some insight into that addictive voice.
When that voice was screaming at me I posted, talked to people, listened to tapes on relapse. Anything so that I would not pick up that drink. I am 9 months sober and the obsession has left me. The voice is quiet now, I know that it could come back if I don't keep working on my recovery which to me is not a chore but a journey of self discovery.
Hang in there and tell us what went on before you picked up that drink.
All the best
CaiHong