Welcome back.
Previously you'd asked how long people needed to be sober before they could successfully return to drinking and many members were kind enough to give you some very uniform feedback from their experience.
If you don't mind me asking, I'm curious why you believed you'd be the exception to the norm? Did you feel your problem with alcohol was minimal, so you could drink a bit and not go off the deep end exactly like people mentioned had happened to them?
It may be helpful for others to cover anything you can recall about your mental process in coming to the point where having a drinkie seemed like the good and right thing despite the difficulties it had earlier caused you. Had your understanding of those difficulties changed? Did you feel your system had healed or morphed into that of a nonalcoholic?
At this point even though the xanax is making you feel wonderful, do you have any sense that you might expect some different result than this if you were to stay sober for a much longer term? Would you now believe you may morph into a nonalcoholic after not drinking for 2 years, or 20 years? If so, can you describe why you would possibly believe that to be true, that again you would prove to be an exception to the norm?
Appreciate any thoughts you might have on this, as it's good for those people who are about to experience the usual awful results to hear from someone fresh from conducting the desperate experiment, and a few may even delay their own for an extra day or two.