[QUOTE=Pigtails;3319034] I'm realizing that no matter what happens with him/us, I have to be in the best place possible for myself.
The topic centered around getting/staying strong in our program so that we can be there when other need us-- we can't give away what we don't have. to just keep focused on myself and work my own program. QUOTE]
Maybe your recovery is enough for right now. Luckily you don't have to decide your relationship in the next hour or day.
I was working on my recovery from an eating disorder when I met my qualifier. Throughout our marriage I continued to work my own recovery, continued therapy, groups, etc.
I still stayed longer than I should have. It was still challenging when it came time for the relationship to end....but I have done a lot of work prior to it ending. When I realize that I had lessons to learn for my own growth and blossoming it helps me to get less caught up in the details.
My struggle with codependent behavior was there way before my qualifier was. I think I was going to have to learn some of these lessons one way or another (I don't mean to imply that my ex was interchangable).