Originally Posted by
LifeRecovery 
I started to do better when I stopped believing what he "told" me and started to believe what I saw (his actions).
My qualifier would regularly after a binge drinking episode realize that he wanted to make some changes....then that incident would clear and he was right back to the starting gate.
It did put the responsibility right on me to decide what I could live with, but at least then I was working with something that was mine and not trying to manipulate/control another person.
This is really helpful to me. I am realizing that I have to concentrate on myself and my own decisions, not on him and his. And you're right that just because he says he wants to change, doesn't mean that he will.
I feel I'm in a holding pattern because we are not married, we don't have kids, we don't live together (officially-- he is always at my apartment or whenever he isn't, I'm at his house), and I wanted/want all of these things for us but at the same time I know that I don't want to marry/have kids with an active alcoholic. Other than his drinking, things are great between us and sometimes I start to feel like just letting things go like they are, but then I realize we are at this standstill because I can't move forward with things like they are and I DO want marriage and the opportunity for a family etc.