Welcome Foster! I'm glad you decided to start posting.
I can definitely relate to what you said about hiding. I don't think anyone except for a few close friends really had any idea what the extent of my alcoholism was. On top of that, I learned to hide things at a very young age and became very secretive because of early childhood experiences.
I am slowly learning how to deal with the shame and regret I've accumulated by working the 12 steps. Choosing to live sober definitely requires some leaps of faith, especially in the transition from active use to being dry. Since you've already started that difficult first step I would definitely encourage you to explore emotional healing through AA.
I wish you the best, and thanks for sharing your experience.