Welcome, Foster!
The regret and shame will always push you back to the alcohol. I know that for sure because I went through that so many times. It was an endless cycle. Finally, I knew I was ruining my health, my family and my life and I just knew that I had to stop and face whatever there was to face.
However, I had a horrible time with guilt when I stopped drinking. The thoughts would pop into my head at any time and I would feel so down. Finally, I took advice from someone here and began to journal. I had really resisted writing down all the negative thoughts because I didn't want to see them in black and white. But, eventually I started and my writing continued for most of a year. It felt so good to get things on paper and out of my head.
