SS,
To me what you described is just different type of ABUSE coupled with unacceptable behavior. My F is the person you described. All that you wrote and he doesn't drink. He is still ugly to be around, acts unacceptably and has been doing so for 40 years with my M still right there. Bad behavior is bad behavior - what I think is worse is there's no disease with what you described. It's just someone acting badly and expecting those around him/her to hang around while they do.
Petunia