I feel like i'm finally willing. It feels different this time because i find myself actually looking forward to going to an AA meeting instead of driving there and sitting in fear in the parking lot. I feel like a switch has been turned on and suddenly i realize that trying to do this alone simply won't work. That and i'm so tired of being lonely. I haven't made a friend up here in Wisconsin for over 2 years. I only ever talk to my husband, my roommates (rarely) and my coworkers (and them only once a week). Heck, i have longer conversations with the cashiers at the liquor department. This self imposed isolation is sapping my soul and i think i've finally accepted that it must end. At least going to AA is a good way to meet people in a safe environment i hope.