I can't help but wonder if I was wrong...
I explained to my AH tonight (he's 6 months sober, but not really working a program, goes to an occasional AA meeting) that I feel that keeping promises is important in a marriage, and that if feels like he can't keep all the promises he has made (and broken) recently, then I don't feel comfortable continuing in the relationship. I was brought up to believe that you earn trust, and if you do something to lose that trust, you have to earn it back.
It wasn't meant to be an ultimatum, but I can't help feeling it might have sounded like one. I truly CAN'T stay in a relationship where a promise can be broken as easily and taken as lightly as breaking a pencil tip...
He just stared at me. Didn't say a word. I told him I loved him, and appreciated him listening, then left the room. I meant every word, I don't think he heard anything but blah blah blah. (He's said that sometimes when I talk all he hears is the voice of Charlie Brown's teacher.)
Since he got out of rehab, it feels the only difference in his behavior is that he's opening a coke can instead of a beer can. He doesn't anger as easily, but everything else feels the same. I'm ready to have a better life, finally, and it appears he's content with things the way they are.