You can only take care of yourself Alanon is a good place to start.Blaming is a set up for a relapse and a target for him to keep that merry go round to spinning.Been there done that.I've had very good success turning off my own blame game and score cards going to meetings and stop reacting.I've been married 25 years, she has been sober for 90 days on this last time she has had 5 and 8 years in the past.If I didn't change my own behavior It wasn't going to work.