Thanks for the replies. To be honest, I can't tell my mom because it is too much of a burden. She is bipolar and tends to fret about this stuff. She knows he's an alcoholic, she's seen him in action. In high school, there were plenty of times he'd come over to our house intoxicated. There was even one time that he broke a window drunkenly trying to get in, but that's another story...the point is, my parents have a lot on their plates already. My older brother is also bipolar, and while he's almost 30, he recently moved back home and my parents are stuck with his debt because they naively cosigned for his college loans. My 18 year old sister is getting her GED because she's "bored with high school" and my little brother is struggling with some sort of autism spectrum troubles. It got to the point that my father had a mild heart attack last fall.
I am the child that graduated with honors, that moved to NYC when I was 18 and have been supporting myself since, that's graduating college with honors and planning on graduate school. I know my parents would love me no matter what, but I don't want to add in on all of these stressors my siblings have already created. So, I pass my ABF's (I'm catching onto the lingo, haha) drinking off as "being young," continually lying that it's gotten better since high school, et cetera.
I'm sorry this turned into a vent about my family. I guess I just feel like I have to hold everything together. My boyfriend and I had such a good week, but, as I predicted, he came home wasted on Friday night, now it's back to where I started when I posted a week ago. I have been looking into Al Anon meetings, but I'm so busy with school and work that I don't even have the time to go...
I feel really alone and that maybe I'm in denial. I toy with the idea of moving out and totally purging my life. Deep down, I plan on moving to California fall 2013. But usually I include him in these dreams. I don't see myself without him, and that's what scares me. I don't feel that I'm codependent, as I relish in having my own space and whatnot, but it's terrifying to be so young and so intertwined with someone else. I realize I'm not really posing a question that anybody can reply to. I just needed to clear my head a bit. Thanks for listening (reading).