Thanks everyone.
I have, of course, been waiting to post on here until after she left. She stayed for a few days, and there were some digs exchanged back and forth, and so on... But, overall, mostly just the behavior I can expect from her, as irksome as it is.
My mom loves my son, she loves me...even if she isn't as healthy about it as I would prefer...so I think that the best tactic is to choose my battles.
Showing up unexpectedly isn't as big of a deal as some of her other annoying behaviors, and she isn't particularly receptive to people setting boundaries with her.
I believe it would be more hassle than it's worth, as she does generally bring some fairly positive things to the table in her own way, and I would like to keep her in our lives with as little hassle as possible...
So I think that just learning how to move around her in a healthy fashion (changing the subject, working on my triggers, and choosing my battles if/when I feel that I need to set boundaries) is so far the best route. I just need to practice!
The one thing that she does that I think may require setting firm boundaries in the future is point out the things that my son *isn't* doing, rather than focusing on the numerous things that he has learned to do.
He's fairly advanced physically, with his motor skills, etc., but he hasn't learned how to say words yet, etc., and she's very keen to point things like that out. She's usually just making an observation, but she has a tendency to look for the negative in everyone.
He's a 9 month-old who is doing things at his pace, like all 9 month-olds do.
So yeah, if the focusing on what he's *not* doing keeps up, we'll probably have to set a boundary with that.
She has learned *just* enough about behavioral disorders in her last work environment that she is also constantly making comparisons about what people around her do (including my son), and what people who have autism/OCD/Tourette syndrome do. That is fairly offensive to me, so if it continues we'll probably have to cut that off before she has a chance to really get going with it.
Otherwise, I can expect a blowout if I set boundaries about things that are annoying and stressful, but can be lived with.
So, it's stressful, irksome, occasionally infuriating, but it so far is coming down to ME learning how to deal with my own triggers and learning how to choose my battles.
Now if only I could start grouping her and my MIL in the same little category and bring those ideas to fruition!
