gurlie214, what an awful feeling, like having the rug pulled out from under you and hitting your head on the floor. You are very smart to be scared right now - you've been manipulated and betrayed by someone you love and trusted. As for how could he do this? Well he is an addict in the throws of active addiction. I'm not really sure that there is a limit as to what they will or will not do in order to keep using their doc (drug(s) of choice). I'll venture a guess as to why he confessed to you: Something happened, and he confessed to you himself before you found out. Either an employee drug screen came up positive (dirty, as it's called) and he was referred to EAP, or he got caught/arrested buying it, any number of things. Or he owes his dealer a lot of money and they threatened either to tell you/come to the house to get the money from you/ or something much, much worse. Just go to google and check out that triple homicide in Effingham County back in October 2002. That will give you a little insight into what cocaine will get people into. There's an ugly network from Hilton Head, SC, across the big bridge into Chatham, then up to Effingham, then back up the interstate to SC again. (I used to work in a Substance Abuse Treatment facility, and later as a Methadone Counselor, and I have an addict son, so I've been surrounded by addiction information).
Don't believe anything he says right now. Especially the beautiful, eloquently written letters/poems, as they are a clever way to keep you off guard and to manipulate you. There's nar-anon meetings in your area. Please find one and go. It will help you put things into perspective.