Welcome notdoingfine...Glad to see you tried AA...It's been great for me...If I walked into a meeting like you did..I wouldn't have made it halfway through it...I would have left..... Disease?...Call it what you want...Addiction works better that's fine...Some people don't like to referred to as an alcoholic...I didn't...Then I found out I was one...Point is...You don't like what you're getting from it...And you're on a recovery site....This is what I would do....Keep trying meetings... same place..different times..Different places..different times...You are going to find one that is just right for you...You'll know it...They'll be talking about getting better rather than how bad their day went or how many DUI's they got....If I want to hear that I'll go to a bar...Get serious about it and look into finding a sponsor...Somebody to guide you through this process...Get a Big Book and read it(start with the Doctor's Opinion and the first 164 pages) till you think you understand it...Then read it again....All the answers are in there...All of them...Go through those 12 steps with this guide/sponsor you selected and you have a pretty good shot of never drinking again and living a life you never thought possible...You put in the work...It will work..I'll give you my word on that...Good luck to you...Oh...That smell.....I never noticed it... I always smelled like cigarrettes...