Aww. I've been in that spot! Sorry you had a stressful night with her.
I have done two things that have worked with someone that is similar (she is my aunt and my kids' grandma since my mom (her sister) died before my kids were born). We are close but I imagine it would be way more crazy making if she was my mother.
I have stopped talking about issues that trigger me (or apparently her). It leaves me with one less person to use as a confidant in some areas but that has been well worth the price. I am not confrontational so I just stop talking. I never bring certain topics or people up and if she does I either make an excuse to walk away or get off the phone - or just stop talking. Not one word and she eventually quits. It has taken awhile but she brings things up less and less. I am feeling more balanced and centered as well and have once or twice managed to say I am no longer open to that discussion in a caring/calm way rather then over emotional way. Over emotional gets her going even more - it is like feeding the fire. Calm/caring works for me/her. I definitely no longer try to correct her or offer my view on things. Her view will never change, she doesn't want to grow or learn anything. She wants to tell me the way it is etc. I have stopped responding or just offer a canned response like "I didn't know that." or "I have not thought of it that way." or sometimes all I can manage is "Oh." It does make for a limited conversation but whatever - our time is pleasurable.
When it comes to how she is feeling (also queen of guilt trips, manipulation, game playing etc.) I finally started taking apart each situation. What is my responsibility, what is hers, I'm not responsible for her feelings, is my action or lack of action appropriate etc., etc. It was tedious but it worked. I started doing that because I started watching her own daughter (who does it very well - almost naturally). Her daughter is someone that I look up to and view as emotionally healthy with good boundaries. I knew some answers in my head when I took the situation apart but until I did that I operated on emotional reaction - which was to either take responsibility and do something I didn't want to do or feel guilt/worry because I didn't or just get super frustrated and mad. I can let it go if it does not belong on my side of the street but I have to go through the process to mentally put things on the right side of the street. My default is to hog the entire street
This has gotten way faster/easier with practice..
She is a difficult woman and I've also had to manage very carefully the relationship with her and my kids. Right now I do not want to 'cut her out' and I think she brings more positive to the table then negative. I sometimes wonder if that isn't just a lack of recovery on my part or if it is really a thought out and valid decision. I'm banking on the latter! I do know that since I've begun using the two strategies above things have gone a lot better.