(((Virgo))) - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and all that is going on with your AS. Being an RA, as well as having loved ones who are A's, I understand the "dead" feeling. I think of it as my mind's way of saying "overload, shutting down".
My mom died in 1991, and though I knew she was going to die young (she was 50, the age I am now), I was totally unprepared for her actual death. She was my best friend.
Please know that we are here for you. You've got a whole lot on your plate right now, and I'm glad you're going to see your therapist, but please remember...we feel what we feel. If one part of our life has to be shut out to deal with something else? It's okay.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy