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Old 02-29-2012, 04:43 PM
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Aftermath

This is probably going to be a long one... My AS had been staying with us and it became apparent a couple of weeks ago that he was using - and robbing from us and other family members to do so. After he stole and forged a check from our account, we told him he couldn't stay with us anymore. That very same week, my mother was in the hospital and while I was there he came in (apparently had the forethought to have keys made) and took several more things. Police reports had already been filed by us, his brother, and his sister - I thought he had surely been picked up by then. Needless to say, he had not and the carnage continued.

Last Weds morning, my mom passed away - she had been ill a long time but it is still so very hard to let go of her. As I was gathering items to take to the funeral home, I found that at some point he had stolen my parents wedding rings, my mom's Mother's Ring, and a gold bracelet that she loved On Thurs. morning, the police stopped to let me know they had finally picked him up - I was so very thankful.

He has been attempting to call constantly but I won't accept the call because I really just don't want to talk to him at all right now. Today I discovered that he had charged $1700 on a store card that I didn't even know he knew I had - must have scoured it out of my computer. I'm so incredibly angry and feel like I really don't know this person at all. All the while he was taking stuff from us, he acted fine, participated in family events, told me often how hard he was trying to do well now that he was out of prison. All bold face lies.

I was reading the post on forgiveness a minute ago. I don't want revenge on him, I'm just don't want to talk to or hear from him at all right now.

Thanks for giving me a spot to vent.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:47 PM
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Ann
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Oh Virgo, I know that sick feeling too well. And at a time of sorrow must make it ever so much worse.

It took far too many lessons before I finally had to stop my son from coming anywhere near my home. Please change your locks and get an alarm (they have ways of getting in through windows or just breaking the lock).

You did the right thing to charge him. Now just take very good care of yourself.

My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mother.
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Old 02-29-2012, 04:57 PM
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First of all, my heart goes out to you for the loss of your mother.

Your anger is perfectly understandable, and personally I wouldn't want to talk to or hear from him either if I were in your shoes.

Huge kudos for reporting the thefts to the police.

Are you getting any kind of support in coping with the effects of your AS's addiction?

Sending you hugs of support!
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:36 PM
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Lots of support from family and the friends that know about it. We've been dealing with this for a long time and everyone is completely worn out with trying to help someone that refuses to help himself. I also have a therapist that I've seen before and will probably be back with her to help sort this out. I've never before had this dead-feeling inside about AS and don't really know what it means. I'm glad he's in jail for everyone's sake and he'll be in for awhile since he's still on parole for prior drug relating thieving. He's wrecked a lot of havoc in the 5 months since he got out of prison.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:07 PM
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((Virgo))) I am so very, very sorry that you have had to deal with AS any time, but during the illness and loss of your mom is just too much. You are so strong and brave. I admire you. Take care of yourself. I care.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:36 PM
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(((Virgo))) - I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and all that is going on with your AS. Being an RA, as well as having loved ones who are A's, I understand the "dead" feeling. I think of it as my mind's way of saying "overload, shutting down".

My mom died in 1991, and though I knew she was going to die young (she was 50, the age I am now), I was totally unprepared for her actual death. She was my best friend.

Please know that we are here for you. You've got a whole lot on your plate right now, and I'm glad you're going to see your therapist, but please remember...we feel what we feel. If one part of our life has to be shut out to deal with something else? It's okay.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:09 PM
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So sorry about the loss of your Mom.

I am glad for you that you are holding your ground on not feeling the need to talk to him right now. I am in that same place with my ex, and it felt so good the other night to just know that I did not have the strength or desire to speak with him. I am glad you are in that place...just give yourself a break. Reality of his behaviors and your decision to speak with him about them can wait. Give yourself the peace of silence while you let yourself feel the sorrow of your loss.

prayers to you.
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:31 PM
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Virgo, my condolences to you. Sorrow, anger, and disgust are a lot to deal with all at one time, and I pray you'll take all the time you need
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Old 02-29-2012, 09:57 PM
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Virgo, I offer my condolences on the loss of your mother. I also have an AS who has stolen from me and pawned my things, stolen from his brother, etc. You absolutely did the right thing by filing the police reports. Definitely change the locks, invest in a security system, and also add those locks to all windows in the house. You can purchase them at any hardware store or wal-mart. You might want to leaf through your check books to see if any are out of sequence; they sometimes go to the back and tear out a few, and with all that's been going on, you wouldn't notice for a while. Maybe call your bank or look at your bank statement online. (Sadly I speak from experience). You can also block those calls coming from the jails/prisons. I did that after my AS's second or third jail stay.

That feeling you describe that you have about your AS, that dead feeling, it's a sort of numbness, isn't it? While sad in a way, I think it's also a healthy thing because it's a sort of detachment, and a step in the healing process for you. It's almost like saying "You cannot victimize me anymore because you cannot reach me, physically or emotionally" and that's empowering.

Your AS took precious things from you without feeling, without remorse. It is perfectly ok for you to allow him to remain with himself - which is all he is concerned about - without feeling and without remorse.

We are all here for you.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Ann View Post
Oh Virgo, I know that sick feeling too well. And at a time of sorrow must make it ever so much worse.

It took far too many lessons before I finally had to stop my son from coming anywhere near my home. Please change your locks and get an alarm (they have ways of getting in through windows or just breaking the lock).You did the right thing to charge him. Now just take very good care of yourself.

My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your mother.
I eventually learned my daughter had given my garage door code and copies of keys to others who came and went with whatever was not nailed down. The alarm system gave me peace of mind.

I am so sorry for your loss, Virgo. Grief counselling on all counts may help.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:53 PM
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Virgo,

I'm so sorry about the loss of your mother. Please keep all of your focus on taking care of yourself right now.

Your AS did not do well while staying with you, you did what you could. Let him go, turn him over and let him take care of himself (however that happens) now.
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Old 03-01-2012, 08:09 PM
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My condolences to you on the loss of your mother. I am so sorry you are having to deal with all the crap related to you AS at such a difficult time.

I understand the numb feeling and agree with other posters that it's a way of keeping the A from being able to "get" to us. I recently got up the nerve to look up my sons mug shot online from his last arrest... I was expecting to be overcome with grief but as I stared at the picture and the empty eyes I realized I felt numb.. Almost as if I didn't even know that person in the photo. It held a slight resemblence to my son but it wasn't him, just a shell.

I hope you are able to find some peace.
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