You're not a bad person igottobesober....You're a good person...That like many of us here...Suffer from alcoholism...If you don't like that name...Call it what you want....There are people here that have been where you are...And got out of that nightmare...People that are willing to share with you ways you can too....If you want to talk about this...Maybe we can do something...What you are going through is nothing we haven't seen or done.