Brownhorse: You've gotten some very good advice here. I was at the end of my rope (and am sometimes still) as my RAH/AH is on and off the wagon. He's back on now, but I have no expectations anymore that he won't have a relapse. Some things not mentioned here, if you have the time, try Al-Anon ... it saved my life. It taught me to focus on myself instead of him, not enabling him, detaching from the behavior, etc. I've take some classes at the local university, picked up old hobbies and started reading novels more often when I'm detached so I can focus on myself. We both go to counseling as part of his IOP, so that helps but we've had some really bad sessions but good ones too. For me, as long as my RAH/AH is willing to work on his recovery, even if he slips, I'm in a good place as long as I can detach and do my own thing while he's drinking. It's a long road, a confounding disease and the things you describe scream out to me as behaviors of someone who is actively drinking and trying not to get noticed.
You've done well to put plans in place to protect yourself and your kids and to not depend on him for anything. Great start to your own recovery, but do try Al-Anon if you can, it's been a Godsend to me.... Take what you like and leave the rest...
