Maybe it is time to either get some private counseling for you, or to try some different Alanon meetings.
There is nothing like 'face to face' with someone who has been or is where you are now and who can help you sort those 'jumbled' thoughts into practical lists that you can work on.
Of course, keep posting here, lol we will help when we can.
It might help you to start a journal and write all these confusing thoughts down in that journal. That can be a big help.
I suspect your 'compassion' is for the man your remember and that your anger is for the man he is now.
To be honest, I am more concerned on how this affecting your child. It might be wise to find some counseling for him also, so he doesn't feel like he is 'tattling to you about daddy or tattling to daddy about you.
Hope that helps a bit.
J M H O
Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Love and hugs,