Throw away everything you thought you knew about addiction and keep talking to people who have experienced it for real, such as people at this board or Al-anon/ Nar-anon meetings. That is all you can do. I wish I could give you a quick fix, but we are all so powerless over addiction, there simply is no way to make it go away. It will get better over time if you take steps to stop enabling and take care of yourself. Hang in there, you'll make it!