I'm sorry you are struggling.
In reference to your statement "I havent stopped drinking and I don't know why"". Maybe you are an alcoholic. "Men and women who have lost the ability to control their drinking". Thats what it boils down to.
Perhaps you can look at the pattern and change something. ANYTHING. Better yet EVERYTHING.
I hope you find a program that truly works for you......something is amiss.
I wish you all the best.