whatever you do...my advice is that you do not put your heart in the ring against the addiction. do not put your love in the scales and weigh it against the addiction. do not question in your mind whether he loves you or the addiction more.
it is a separate issue.
he may not love himself enough to love you as much as you thought he did. addiction pulls a persons spirit down into the depths and there is not a whole lot of room for love there. it is a huge struggle to love one's self when there is the monster of addiction in taking up all that space in a persons spirit. but that does not necessarily mean that the addict does not love you in their own way
is the limited love, due to the giant of addiction, enough for YOU?
the other issue is this...if you are enabling an addict's habit it will be even tougher to feel truth in love...active addiction demands so much, are you supplying money? shelter? protecting the addict from the consequences of not living without addiction?
since his use was hidden you may not have been aware that you were helping fuel his use by providing basic necessities? if you were, or if you are...then there is a further mistrust of "love" with an addict. sometimes, yes, a co-dependent does get used, simply put, used for money, shelter, a "hiding place" refuge from the horrible consequences of use.
your only job...is going to be to start taking care of you.
you can not, can not, help the addict lose their addiction
but also...do not under any circumstances enable the addiction...
read everything you can find here.
you are going to be okay!!!
you are going to find support and insight and understanding and love
you are not alone.
everything in this very moment is just as it should be. you needed to know the truth, and now you are starting upon a journey of growth...it may not be easy, but if you keep reaching out for help and being honest it WILL get better!!