I can tell you that, yes, I did know how deep a hole I was digging myself into. However, I'd found a way to not deal with those feelings...get high! I was smoking crack 24/7, when I would come down, I'd be overwhelmed with where I'd gotten myself to...smoke crack, forget about it.
It wasn't until I'd hit enough bottoms, actually started working recovery that I felt the full impact of my actions. Heck, almost 5 years into recovery, I'm STILL dealing with consequences. Like ((Jay)) - said, it wasn't that we didn't care? We were just had one thing on our mind and that was using. My motto was always "I'll deal with that when I get clean, but not gonna happen today" and I'm, most certainly dealing with it.
I also know of people who are NOT A's and don't have a clue the damage they cause to people around them.
I've given up on waiting for the A's in my life to suddenly realize what they're doing to those of us who love them. They will or they won't. I just keep trying to work on me.
BTW, really glad you are removing yourself and your kids from this situation.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy