My understanding of the brain disease of addiction is that once the switch is thrown, the motivational priorities of the brain (Dr. Drew's language) are severely altered. The lower brain--which is the primitive, non-emotional part of the brain which drives survival--overrides the higher brain, which is the part of us that feels empathy.
The addict has no empathy for others because that part of his brain is simply not what's operating.
There are other brain disorders which affect the ability to be empathic, the ability to care about the feelings of others. But I think people suffering from other disorders such as mania or severe ADHD or schizophrenia are more apt to evoke our understanding because their disorders are so evident. We see that they have a very obvious impairment of the brain by their very obvious inability to regulate themselves and, in some cases, by their complete breaks with reality.
Addicts are different. They are often--usually--able to hide their disease, to look good, to feign emotions they may not really be feeling, to manipulate their environments and those around them to the service of their addiction.
They get what they want because in so many cases they are so lovable. And we think they are operating with the same feelings and thoughts we operate with. We have no idea the addict-brain is calculating every move they make, even the loving moves, as to whether or not it will protect the addiction.
They protect the addiction because their survival instinct compels them to. Just as a hungry lion is compelled to hunt. It is all about survival.
There is little empathy in nature when survival is at stake. And the addict's mind tells him he has to have the drug no matter the consequences, to him or to anyone in his path.
This is my understanding from what I have heard the experts say.
When an addict is detoxed and stabilized and the lower brain stops controlling him and his higher brain is given an opportunity to step forward again, then we can see whether he is of noble character or base character. Until that happens, I don't think we can know.
I do know that many recovering addicts perform great deeds, selfless actions, for others. Maybe going to meetings and concentrating on spiritual growth helps their higher brain resume its duties. Maybe that is what Bill W. knew, in 1937, to change the future. That it is through service and selflessness that empathy returns to the addict.
My problem, as a codependent, is that even if I have this knowledge about the nature of addiction, my heart has been torn up by addicts, and scientific knowledge about the addict brain does not repair the damage to my heart.
The truth is, I need loving amends, to trust an addict again. I need consistent behavior. Consistent honesty. And the addict's interest in who I am. A genuine, compassionate interest in who I am.
Without that kind of amends, I don't know how I could ever open myself to a recovering addict who once hurt me in his addiction. I need his empathy, toward me.