thereisonlyair

Hi everyone,
I just stumbled across this community today in a fit of desperation. I have never done anything of the sort but it's to the point where I feel I truly have nobody to talk to.

I am in a pretty unique situation. I am currently living in an apartment with my boyfriend of eight years. The eight is a bit shocking when you learn I am only 21. I swear, it's not as creepy or as codependent as it sounds. We had some breaks in there to see other people, etc., but we lasted through it all. He is my best friend and truly one of the most amazing people out there.

But, and of course there's a but...he is quite an alcoholic. I can't lie and say I don't dabble in the alcohol myself, but there is a (fine) line between social drinking and a true problem. I can handle myself, I've never missed class or work, and people generally like me when I've had a few drinks. My boyfriend, unfortunately, is not in the same boat. There is even a nickname that people have branded on him for his alter-ego that appears when he's been drinking.

So, the problem is that he is my favorite person in the entire world for so many reasons. The heartbreaking thing is that I am only 21 and already feel worn down from taking care of him. I can't tell if I'm being delusional. Let me highlight some "key" alcoholic moments of his:

First and foremost, he blacks out every time he drinks.

He pees the bed on most occasions, which is humiliating. Every time a friend visits I have to think of some clever way to hide it. It's hard when they jump on my bed in the morning and ask why it's wet. It's also hard when it's someone else's bed, or on the couch. Roommates have made this secret a hard one to keep.

A few weeks ago marks his third trip in an ambulance for being drunk. I was not with him any of these times, and all of these times he doesn't remember anything. I only find out when I have been lying awake until 8 am, and he comes stumbling in with a hospital bracelet on. His coworker was with him last time and I heard the details, essentially he just passed out on the sidewalk and someone called 911.

One time he didn't come home and I had a weird feeling, so I went outside barefoot and nothing but a long t-shirt (I live in Brooklyn). I found him about a block down, passed out against a car (standing up). I thought he was dead. It was terrifying. Not to mention he had pissed himself, and he was so lucky that people in New York ignore drunks on the streets, because he had all of his valuables in his pockets.

I'm getting exhausted even beginning this list, as I have so much more to say, but it is 2:30 am and I've been crying for the past two hours after coming home to find him ********* (yet another night of disappointments).

We're on a lease together and both very very broke. I don't know if I have the power to break things off with him, and I wish I had some hope that he could go to treatment and we could work this out. Thankfully, he's not violent when he's drunk (he's so incapable of even standing up once he's been drinking, I could take him on if needed), so my safety isn't in jeopardy. But I'm in the middle of a semester, and a lease, and so I'm kind of financially stuck right now. What I think we need is a true break, for him to really think about what he wants, and for me to clear my mind, but this isn't even feasible. None of my friends have ever been in a serious relationship, and I don't want to worry my mom. I just need some advice...