Sorry you are struggling.
Originally Posted by
1undone 
I hate giving up control.
Your control has only gotten you in trouble. Time to surrender. If you haven't gotten past step three maybe it's because you really haven't gotten past step one.
Hope you can find a way to stop romancing alcohol. Being sad and wistful about booze is just a form of self pity and self pity is a tool of the disease. It keeps you a victim and victims who are alcoholic, drink.