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Old 02-24-2012, 06:34 AM
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Smile Starting to meander over to this board.

I've been posting at the newbie board for a while. I guess I will always be a newbi. But I also need to post here as I'm having a rough time dealing with and accepting the label I now live with - Alcoholic. It's humiliating and humbling.

I know there are many who look at being an Alcoholic as a gift and all but I don't. I feel like it's just another issue I have to overcome. All my life I've had some "issue" to deal with on a long term basis and now I've added this. I'm trying very hard not to have a pitty party but that in itself is proving to be most challenging.

I attend AA at least 4 times a week and I made the decision to quit last May. I've relapsed a couple of times and of course went through the typical remorse and embarrassement, lucky for me nothing happened as I tend to isolate at home.

I have a high bottom and I tend to glamorize to this day the glass of wine by the pool and with dinner when dining out. I also feel a great deal of anger from time to time when I miss this. Anger has been the beginning of my last two relapses.

I've read so many autobiographies and books about alcoholics and alcoholism. I have a great sponsor and I really have a lot to be thankful for but left to my own devices I would drink.

I suppose I'm more introducing myself to this forum although I'm sure many of you have seen me in the other one. I'm in a sad mood today. I miss alcohol. I miss the fun I USE to have and I feel like there is a certain amount of control over me that comes from my husband and AA. I hate giving up control. So needless to say I am not even past step three at this point.

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Old 02-24-2012, 07:09 AM
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From the War of the Simpsons - Ned mixes Homer a drink

This proves the catalyst to a wild whirlwind of inebriated bad behavior on Homer’s part, climaxing with Homer very creepily leering at Maude’s deep, luscious cleavage in a scandalously low-cut dress and telling her to lean down lower so he can score a deeper, more satisfying leer. Again, it’s hard to imagine the Maude of later seasons even showing any cleavage, let alone driving Homer into a libidinal frenzy with her sexy garb.
Homer gets around to alienating and offending everyone, especially Dr. Hibbert, who sternly informs Homer that the novelty ice cube with a plastic fly in it is so highly toxic, it’s actually much more dangerous than drinking a drink with an actual fly in it. In one of my favorite lines of the episode, Hibbert tells Marge that if she wants Homer to live through the night she’ll turn him, emphasizing that this was entirely her choice and no one would fault her if she opted to let him die in a pool of his own vomit.
It’s an evening to forget or at least deliberately, flatteringly misremember, as Homer does during a hilarious fantasy sequence where he recalls the night as a Algonquin Long Table-style potpourri of witty cocktail banter and sophisticated bon mots, populated by characters out of an old New Yorker cartoon
Sorry for the odd edit ,but I read a post like this yesterday, about missing a civilised drink, I was like that, but my memory of alcohol and the witty banter I made was probably like Homer. I thought I was the wittiest person in the universe. I was just a stupid drunk.
There is nothing I did well whilst drunk , that I cant do better whilst sober. I cant drink one glass of wine , I need one or two bottles.
It wasnt fine and dandy, it was bad, thats why I am here
I am better not drinking. I can drink tea or juice by the pool
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:21 AM
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Sorry you are struggling.

Originally Posted by 1undone View Post
I hate giving up control.
Your control has only gotten you in trouble. Time to surrender. If you haven't gotten past step three maybe it's because you really haven't gotten past step one.

Hope you can find a way to stop romancing alcohol. Being sad and wistful about booze is just a form of self pity and self pity is a tool of the disease. It keeps you a victim and victims who are alcoholic, drink.
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:41 AM
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Originally Posted by 1undone View Post
I also need to post here as I'm having a rough time dealing with and accepting the label I now live with - Alcoholic. It's humiliating and humbling.
Not everyone accepts the label. I, for one, do not consider myself 'an alcoholic', and I never will. I'm not alone in this, either.
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:09 AM
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Then what is your situation called, if not an Alcoholic. And yeas one of my character defects is control. I am hopeless about this a lot!
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:25 AM
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Originally Posted by 1undone View Post
Then what is your situation called, if not an Alcoholic.
I was once horribly addicted to alcohol, but now I am not. I simply never drink, and that is that. Former drunk? Ex-alcoholic?
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:27 AM
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Hi 1undone..I'm sorry you're sad today. Have you read Alan Carr's The Easy Way to Quit Drinking? It's not a magic pill or anything, but he does a nice job addressing how we tend to glamorize drinking. It helped me and it made a lot of sense.

I can't speak to the control thing and I'm not in AA. For me, it feels like I finally TOOK control. I didn't have control when I was drinking 8 drinks every time I had 1, most nights a week. I hope you can find a way to be happy about your sobriety. Keep up the good work and congrats on your sober time!
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:45 AM
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What powerless means in AA. I can not drink today but when I pick up a drink I have no control over how much I drink and what happens. I may say I'm having two beers, even believe it, but I have no control it. So I'm powerless over alcohol. But I'm not powerless over my choices and what I do and say.

It sounds hellish to be in your shoes. Do you have a sponsor? It can make all the difference between staying sober or drinking again. And, the support is enormous. I recommend this and talking at meetings about how you feel.
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
I was once horribly addicted to alcohol, but now I am not. I simply never drink, and that is that. Former drunk? Ex-alcoholic?
I once had a broken leg, but now it has healed.
I once had the flu, but now I am well.
I once drank daily, but now I am sober.
What is my label?
HUMAN BEING!
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:45 AM
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Thanks all! Yes, I have a sponsor and she's great. Completely get's me and is a patient women! LOL I speak at meetings and I am not alone in my lil control defect. I hate to be in my shoes right now too and so I talk about it. I'm hoping that by getting it out and hearing from others I will be in different shoes soon.

Okay so for now I've given this to you all! LOL Have fun.
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:01 AM
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I very rarely get that pang for a glass of wine by the pool type of thing. Not like I crave a drink but I feel kind of childish like why can't I have gotten a grip on my drinking like some of my friends seem to have.

But then I remind myself that that's an alcoholic thought. One drink is no different than a nice glass of coke. Multiple drinks just makes me drunk and unhappy. So it's a thinking error.

My experience as a non drinker is no different than that of a normal drinker. (I'm defining a normal drinker as someone who'll take an hour to finish that glass of wine by the pool. Maybe they won't even finish it ).

That you are that bothered that you can't have a glass of wine just highlights some of those alcoholic thoughts. We all get it. Normal people can take or leave alcohol. Ever hang out with a non alcoholic?
"What do I want... I do like that beer but that lemonade sure looks good, too! I'll just start with water". <------ does not compute. I never understood that! But now I get it. Intellectually, at least.
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:15 AM
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Originally Posted by 1undone View Post

I attend AA at least 4 times a week and I made the decision to quit last May. I've relapsed a couple of times
Did you relapse while attending AA?

Wishing you the best in your recovery.

Bob R
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Old 02-24-2012, 10:18 AM
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Don't forget the 12 step support section!!
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Old 02-24-2012, 12:59 PM
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I am a non drinker. I was addicted, I cannot drink safely. There is more to me than my relationship with alcohol.

I have found a daily practice of gratitude ( see gratitude threads) to be of enormous benefit in training me to maintain a balanced perspective. It's not a quick fix but it works.
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Old 02-24-2012, 01:27 PM
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I used to have no control - then I gave up drinking and got into recovery - now I have my control back

D
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Old 02-24-2012, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
I was once horribly addicted to alcohol, but now I am not. I simply never drink, and that is that. Former drunk? Ex-alcoholic?
So you were an alcoholic before...When do you recover in Rational Recovery?...Is there anything like a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps?...The obsession to drink lifted?...like in AA. You don't consider yourself an alcoholic...Do you consider yourself a recovered alcoholic? I mean the OP said this...And your response is you don't accept that label...Did you accept it before you became an ex-alcoholic? I don't know if that makes sense or not...Just trying to figure it out.

I also need to post here as I'm having a rough time dealing with and accepting the label I now live with - Alcoholic. It's humiliating and humbling.
Not everyone accepts the label. I, for one, do not consider myself 'an alcoholic', and I never will. I'm not alone in this, either.
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Old 02-24-2012, 04:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I used to have no control - then I gave up drinking and got into recovery - now I have my control back

D

Yup.


Drinking = No Control
No Drinking = Control


How we change ongoing with having that control restored defines our recovery journey. I am now recovered and even still my journey continues as more then just recovery.
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Old 02-24-2012, 04:13 PM
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Thats exactly it Robbie - my journey is my recovery...and it's not over yet

I know you were talking about a different kind of control 1un - control others have over you - but it really is connected....

I find the more I am in control of myself the less I can be manipulated or coerced into doing things I don't want to, or things I know are not in my best interests...

of course the flipside to that is knowing when I'm wrong and others are right - it's another kind of 'wisdom to know the difference' thing

D
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:33 PM
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Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
So you were an alcoholic before...
If one defines alcoholism as alcohol dependence, then yes, since I was indeed dependent. By the AA definition, I would have been a hard drinker, since I do have an effective mental defense against that first drink. This wasn't always the case, but it is now.

Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
When do you recover in Rational Recovery?
Recovery is defined as secure, permanent abstinence. How long it takes to get to that point depends on the person, I suppose.

Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
...Is there anything like a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps?
There is no spiritual awakening per se, but AVRT certainly liberates the human spirit.

Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
The obsession to drink lifted?...like in AA.
AVRT forces a breakdown of the addictive mentality. To use some psychological lingo, it splits the ego in two — the human part, and the addict part. The 'obsession' is essentially arrested once this split occurs. The desire itself ('the Beast') is not removed, however, so much as it is neutralized. That SOB is still in there, to be sure, but its ability to compel me to do anything is nonexistent. For a good analogy, you can think of a gun with the firing pin removed.

Originally Posted by Sapling View Post
You don't consider yourself an alcoholic...Do you consider yourself a recovered alcoholic? I mean the OP said this...And your response is you don't accept that label...Did you accept it before you became an ex-alcoholic?
If by 'alcoholic' you mean the medical definition (ie., physical dependence), and not the AA definition, then yes, I once did. I consider myself permanently recovered from alcohol addiction at this point, since I am securely abstinent. I see alcohol every day, and have it within easy reach, but there is no conceivable 'trigger' that could get me to drink.

I need only recognize the Addictive Voice, and it is neutralized. In the beginning, I used to have to consciously execute the separation, but it is a reflex now, almost like muscle memory when driving a car. The AV doesn't pipe up very often these days, but I do get a lot of recognition practice on these forums, quite literally more in an hour than I would in a month otherwise.

Hope that helps.
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Old 02-25-2012, 12:16 AM
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Originally Posted by Terminally Unique View Post
I was once horribly addicted to alcohol, but now I am not. I simply never drink, and that is that. Former drunk? Ex-alcoholic?

I agree. I don't consider myself an alcoholic. "Alcoholic", to ME, indicates that I still continue to drink and still do all the things that an Alcoholic does and has problems with. That life is out of control because I continue to drink.

I refer to myself as a former alcoholic, or a person with an alcohol intolerance, or an allergy to alcohol.

Its all in the way you choose to look at it.
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