I've been posting at the newbie board for a while. I guess I will always be a newbi. But I also need to post here as I'm having a rough time dealing with and accepting the label I now live with - Alcoholic. It's humiliating and humbling.
I know there are many who look at being an Alcoholic as a gift and all but I don't. I feel like it's just another issue I have to overcome. All my life I've had some "issue" to deal with on a long term basis and now I've added this. I'm trying very hard not to have a pitty party but that in itself is proving to be most challenging.
I attend AA at least 4 times a week and I made the decision to quit last May. I've relapsed a couple of times and of course went through the typical remorse and embarrassement, lucky for me nothing happened as I tend to isolate at home.
I have a high bottom and I tend to glamorize to this day the glass of wine by the pool and with dinner when dining out. I also feel a great deal of anger from time to time when I miss this. Anger has been the beginning of my last two relapses.
I've read so many autobiographies and books about alcoholics and alcoholism. I have a great sponsor and I really have a lot to be thankful for but left to my own devices I would drink.
I suppose I'm more introducing myself to this forum although I'm sure many of you have seen me in the other one. I'm in a sad mood today. I miss alcohol. I miss the fun I USE to have and I feel like there is a certain amount of control over me that comes from my husband and AA. I hate giving up control. So needless to say I am not even past step three at this point.
