(((WTBH))) - It's okay to not know what to say to your daughter. We're human, we don't KNOW all the answers.
I can't tell you how many times my niece has asked me "how come YOU could quit using drugs, bust your a$$ to get your life back, be there for me, but my OWN DAD can't do it?!?!? Why doesn't he give a damn about me, except when he's locked up?"
There have been many more questions along the same line. It's only as she's gotten older that some of what I say makes sense. At the age of 3, she had her own lawyer, a counselor, and a guardian-ad-litem, and we were court-ordered to let her see her sperm donor (supervised by his dad/stepmom...he took off to his gf's). It took a lot before they all saw that this was NOT a good idea.
I missed out on some important years in her life because *I* was using. Today? We still have our fusses and arguments, but when she wants to know about addiction...what it does, why does it take over a person, etc. she knows she can come to me. She's also been raised by 2 codie grandparents. I can't undo what they have done, I can't make things all right, but I CAN be the one person who lets her talk, who sets boundaries and teaches her about consequences...hers, mine, everyone elses.
I know this is tearing you apart...you're a mama, you want to protect your child from pain and hurt. You can't, but you can be the person they know is "safe", who will always keep her well-being first and foremost. It's not fair to you OR your daughters, but trust me...they'll get it as they get older. Just keep being the awesome mama you are, do what you have to do and expect anger..they don't understand. The anger fades, the trust grows. It just takes time.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy