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Old 02-22-2012, 06:59 AM
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Omg

God grant me the serenity is needed in a BIIIIIIGGGGGGG way right now.

Because AH is not allowed to contact me (temporary RO goes until Fri), his BROTHER just texted me and told me I "NEED" to save AH a seat at D6's Penguin Follies show.

I can't prove that AH had his brother contact me but you better believe that his contacting me is going in the petition to extend the RO.

So, AH knows or remembers about the show (I was hoping he didn't and chances are he remembers it bc another colleague in his dept also has a 1st grader and he probably reminded AH about it). Now I have DREAD that he will confront me and make a scene at the show and I am panicking.

The RO says nothing about not showing up at school events -- he just can't be at the house. I hope he has enough sense to leave me alone at the show and not ruin it for D6, but I HIGHLY doubt he has that much sense.

My mom is saving seats for she and I and now AH's idiot brother is dictating to ME that my mother save AH a seat?

Entitlement issues much?

I'm soooooo angry. I'm angry that this can't just be a day that's about D6. I am angry that AH has to ruin EVERYTHING that is good and easy and simple and peaceful with his alcoholic crap.

Most of all I am angry that I am letting this ruffle me so much....

Send serenity thoughts my way. I'm going to need them!
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:05 AM
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You can to this WTBH. Prepare a "stock response" in case he does show up, and having your mother there as a witness is excellent if you need to document any sort of misbehaviour on his part.

And yeah, don't save him anything. He can get his own damn seat.
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:07 AM
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Read your RO carefully. Mine stated that if AXH's parents or friends contacted me "on his behalf" it was the same as if he had contacted me.

Meaning he could be arrested.

Here's some serenity for you:

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Old 02-22-2012, 07:08 AM
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Even if there weren't a RO I wouldn't be saving him a seat-- it's INSANE that a) he has his brother contact me b) he thinks that even with a RO in place I am going to save him a seat with me and c) I am annoyed that he will even be there... I guess that's crummy of me and I should want D6 to have us both there but I feel like she would be more at ease if he weren't...

Canned response... good idea. Maybe I should just tell him if he approaches me that he is violating the RO... ?
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:10 AM
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It does say that he is not to have others contact me... I am sure of that. I just don't know how to prove that HE had his brother contact me. But considering that Fri is the day that my lawyer goes to court to request that the RO be extended for 30 days, you'd better believe I will be highlighting this little episode-- there's no way AH's brother just happened to learn of D6's show and contact me...
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:13 AM
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Yep...IF he shows, use as few words as possible, and walk away. Whatever he does or says, he'll be paving his way towards a jailcell.
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:15 AM
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Maybe you want to pad your RO with "XX can attend school functions but is not to approach, speak to, or sit close to WTBH"?
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by lillamy View Post
Maybe you want to pad your RO with "XX can attend school functions but is not to approach, speak to, or sit close to WTBH"?
^^^ This ^^^

Also, I would be blocking BIL's number, too.
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:20 AM
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can you copy the text to your email and send to atty?
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Old 02-22-2012, 07:33 AM
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WTBH, I don't know about ROs and other stuff like that but here is a little something to help you calm down. First take a couple of deep breaths, second remind yourself that you are not responsible for his seating and then let it go. Go to the recital, sit with you mom and enjoy yourself. Lastly whatever he does don't show anger and do your best to ignore it. You don't have to talk, look, respond or react with him in any way just because he wants to. If he starts to act like a jerk have your mom record it on her cell phone. Above all be civil and don't stoop to his level.

Remember, this event is for your daughter so do your best to make it good for her.

((((hugs))))

Your friend,
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:01 AM
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It sounds as if your husband is just not getting it. While orders of protection and legal stuff like it are good they are good if they are followed. Many times they are ignored and serious problems continue to happen. I hope you continue to be on guard for your husband because it seems he is seriously disturbed.
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:04 AM
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It had not even OCCURED to me to block BIL's # bc he's contacted me once in all the years we have been married and I had to look up the number the text came from in order to know whose it was bc I don't know his...

Mike, thanks... deep breaths and yes, this is for D6. I want it to be peaceful and pleasant for her and so so so few events in her life have been that way so I instantly panicked and started imagining what if scenarios.

IF the RO gets extended (and I expect it to be a battle bc of who AH's lawyer is) I will absolutely be asking that there be a stipulation that when we are at events together, AH is not to come near me. I assumed he'd have had enough sense to keep his distance and just focus on D6 but obviously not.

I don't know if this is PTSD or what but just thinking about AH being there is making me feel jumpy, tingly and scared. The sense of "I have no idea what to expect or what he might do" is a terrible feeling... I've really become afraid of him in the past few months and having had the comfort of knowing he couldn't contact me or be near me has been a huge relief...

I'll just remind myself it's public and there are lots of witnesses and my focus is D6, not AH so it'll be okay...
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Old 02-22-2012, 08:42 AM
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Considering his brother asked you to save your AH a seat...and not himself one says in the world of common sense...AH asked him to tell you to do that..

note...TELL....not ask.

Text him back and say
"NO. I have no desire to sit near him and by even asking you to tell me to do so is a violation of the RO against him. Do not contact me again on his behalf!"
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:23 AM
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wtbh, living well is the best revenge. Find your serenity and laugh this one off. Someone's trying to pretend everything is ok, and it isn't you!
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Old 02-22-2012, 09:51 AM
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I don't know if this is PTSD or what but just thinking about AH being there is making me feel jumpy, tingly and scared. The sense of "I have no idea what to expect or what he might do" is a terrible feeling... I've really become afraid of him in the past few months and having had the comfort of knowing he couldn't contact me or be near me has been a huge relief...
I recognize that. PTSD or whatever you call it, the uncertainty brings you back to the moments of abuse instantly. Adrenaline rush, fight or flight response. Mike's way of handling it is filed under "healing coping strategies" in my mind now.
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Old 02-22-2012, 10:31 AM
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If it was me, I would contact the authorities on this whether it be your lawyer or the police. Let THEM figure out if it is breaking the restraining order or not. Sometimes the legal mumbo jumbo can be confusing.
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:20 AM
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Originally Posted by wanttobehealthy View Post
Because AH is not allowed to contact me (temporary RO goes until Fri), his BROTHER just texted me and told me I "NEED" to save AH a seat at D6's Penguin Follies show.
Okay...

1. Whose problem is that?

2. Saving seats? Very sixth grade. About the only time I will ever reference the bible is, and I don't even know the verse or the book or anything, but the part about "becoming a man and putting away childish things"? That.

Come to think of it, I should look that up...haha
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Old 02-22-2012, 11:24 AM
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Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
If it was me, I would contact the authorities on this whether it be your lawyer or the police. Let THEM figure out if it is breaking the restraining order or not. Sometimes the legal mumbo jumbo can be confusing.
This. Yes. My divorce lawyer didn't tell me this until way later. "Why didn't you call the police!?" Ummm, you only told me to write contact down and let you know next time I came in to meet with you. So, for the next incident, I did call the DV section of the police department, we spoke for a while and they determined that it probably didn't violate the RO that time, but if he did it again, it would, and to keep a journal of contact by XAH and when I called the police. (I should have called for the first one...) XAH had texted me - which is against the order, contact via e-mail only and only regarding DS - to say sorry for his GF's behavior one weekend. It seems pretty innocuous, but.... The police officer said I did right to call.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:49 PM
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Hey, I say, "Go ahead and keep violating that PO, Buddy!"

He just keeps digging that hole deeper and deeper. What a moron.
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Old 02-22-2012, 03:57 PM
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As long as he doesn't create a scene and upset your daughter.
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