one more thing...
in my previous, heart wrenching relationship with a commitmentphobe who made endless promises (I have to admit that my active alcoholism probably didn't help his fear level!)
I used to peruse the self help section in the bookstore. (wasn't online back then)
I came across a book written by a man for men; "how to manipulate/seduce a woman", I am pretty sure that it was written with sardonic irony but the truth hurts...
the top two lines were: "offer up the idea of getting married" and "talk about wanting to have children with her" pretty horrible huh? totally manipulative in the worst way.
so whether the person means it and just can't follow through because of a phobia or whatever...or whether they mean it and just can't follow through because, really truly, does someone want their loved one as a spouse or parent when they can't quit being active in their addiction...either way it is manipulative.
maybe not with malice, or with sardonic irony, or intent to break a heart...but these sorts of sentiments, when mixed up in the world of addiction, can be HUGELY manipulative. especially because if one is in love with another enough to desire that possibility of marriage or children with one other...except for the fact that there is drug use present, then the words are spoken on a plane of unrealistic fantasy instead of in the present reality. very painful, very seductive...a heart's hook.