Boy, your second paragraph is my life. Thought it was one of my earlier posts! Had to check your name to be sure as even our names, cangel2 and kmangel, are similar. Amazing.
My dream is to have the type of son your son is. I'm happy for you that he is doing so well in working his recovery diligently.
My husband's and my story is so very similar to your boyfriend's enabling his son, but we are in the process of setting up boundaries. Just talking to my husband about what was happening was not changing anything. I couldn't get my thoughts across to him without his thinking I was attacking him. I was always the more strict parent of our sons when they were growing up, my husband more permissive, and when our sons grew up that pattern continued. I have been unhappy many times with what my husband thought was acceptable for him to do (rescuing our boys). However, when the person you are rescuing is also an addict (though unbeknownst to both of us for a few years) then enabling is even more destructive. A couple weeks ago I found the book "Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke. I've been reading one chapter a day from the book each morning with my husband and he seems to finally be beginning to see what we have been doing all along to enable our sons. I at last feel that we are starting to be on the same page and not so much at odds with each other.