Thank you everyone for all your words and messages. I ended up being able to go to the meeting after a short talk with my wife. After the meeting we had a much longer, and needed, talk. A Peaceful one even.
This is a whole new world for me, and I freely admit I don't know how to handle it. My first thoughts are not to call people or go online, they are to make excuses. I do with my smoking addiction all the time too. I have an addicts mind after all.
I am thankful to say I did not pick up a drink. And I see what you are all saying... this is all about ME. No one else. I am the alcoholic with the stinking thinking.
And thank you for the reminder about my children, they are the most precious and beautiful things in my life. Their natural innocence is enough to put a smile on my face and hope in my heart when my mind is clouded and going in circles and I can't remember what I need to do.