Soberclean,
I have walked in your shoes for many years, my mother has been an alocholic for over 40 years, she has never hit bottom because my father refuses to let her do so.
I gave up crying for her years ago, therapy is helping learn to detach and deal with the hate I feel for her and her nasty, acid tongued, self-absorbed disposition. If she died tomorrow it would not bother me in the least, I would finally be free of the chains she placed on me.
Detachment feels really good, the more I realize athat none of this is my fault or my responsibility, the lighter my soul feels.
I hope you can find your way thorugh this, please know that you are not walking on this road alone, I will hold your hand and have you back.
Big hugs,
Bill