hate so much that you are dealing with active addiction ~ that involves so much pain!
but as others have suggested - there is much you can do to help YOU!
These are the things that have helped me ~ posting here, attending al-anon meetings, reading recovery literature, finding and communicating with my Higher Power, learning what I can about the disease of alcoholism & addiction.
Don't give up before the miracles happen in YOU
YOU deserve them!
PINK HUGS,
Rita