Originally Posted by
Elisabeth888 
If I use the wrong tone, say something that irritates him, he starts going off and cussing about how much I have put him through and how ****** his life is. He changes how many years he has been in hell- it ranges from 2-5 years. We can't have a normal disagreement because I don't really have the right to disagree
Hi Elisabeth
I can only give you my experience on this.
My wife also refers to a life of hell and varies the timeframe from 2 to 5 years. Nor do I have a right to disagree with anything she says anymore. It is a really tough situation because she seems to have taken the moral high ground and nothing I seem to do makes any difference.
I think the problem arises from the fact that we alcoholics see alcohol as the main root cause of the problem and we have to climb mountains to get it under control. So, once we are sober, we think we have done everything we possibly could have to amend the situation. Our spouses, on the other hand, do not see alcohol as the primary problem. Rather it is what alcohol has done to our behaviour, our reliability, our trust etc which was the really damaging area for them.
We think because alcohol has gone, then the problem is solved. But they need to go through recovery too. Building that trust again is a long process and may never happen. But I think sometimes we should show a little humility if that might help their recovery too?