There is this awful belief that when two people have been married for a substantial period of time they can safely make correct assumptions about each other's feelings and expectations. Anger, hurt, and resentment are often the bi-products when we are wrong. The best way to follow that up? Revenge.
After 11 1/2 years of marriage and a full year of sobriety my wife and I are only now beginning to learn to communicate with each other. It's awkward - like a first kiss. We're not very good at it but we are trying. We are starting to learn things about each other most people find out when they're dating. For us, it's going very slow but the rewards are real. For better or worse we can't hide from each other anymore. I have to work very hard to listen to her and try to understand what she really means and she is trying to learn to not take it personally when I don't understand right away. Often my pride gets hurt and that is very hard to swallow.
If you hurt your husband the way you said you did then there probably are desires of revenge and payback. I know my wife sure did. There are some good books on marital communication that can set boundaries and ground rules to help you get started. The ultimate goal is to become equal partners that love and respect each other.
Best of luck to you two. Marriages can and do survive this.