Thank you very much for the support. I am a bit too terrified and overwhelmed to go back to the GYN ( he is a conservative strict Catholic ) so I am going to look into other physicians. Not just yet though.....I am still marinating in the mess I've made.
I was just so excited that i emerged from the hell of the withdrawal i went through (those who have been there know exactly what I mean...DTs are no joke) and kept sober for 2 months. My two months of sobriety included compliments from others on how good I looked, my body started to function properly and I was able to eat good, nutritious food again. Health was running through my system and it was the beSt high I have ever had.
Now I feel like I have taken a million steps back. I am back into seemingly inescapable problems. I want to drink more than ever. I just so regretful for what I have done and scared of the consequences that lie ahead.
Thanks for reading/ listening and my thoughts and well wishes go out to any others who are suffering tonight.