You can't make him want to participate if he doesn't want to. I had a really difficult time when RABF was abusing pain killers. For a long time, I tried to tell him what he needed to do to get his life together. That went nowhere. He had to do things at his pace and do things for himself. The best I could do was work on taking care of myself. All the work on this website, the books, etc., have helped me.
What is it about the small apartment he doesn't like? Can he make a compromise? Are things too cramped? Could you put some stuff at a storage facility? I wouldn't want to be pressured into buying a home. As you know, something like moving is not enough to make you happy. However, he has to discover what makes him happy on his own.
I don't have much of a suggestion at communication. I think it helps if I try to focus on saying positive things to my bf. I think it is easy to just criticize, and not tell people when you appreciate what you are doing. Maybe you could try positive reinforcement with your husband? If he does something to help you, make sure you tell him that you appreciate it. Maybe it would help if you could focus on the positive rather than the negative.