lost186

My emotions and thoughts seem to jumping from one place to the next today. I can't seem to get a level head on straight and get all the work staring me in the face done. I don't think it helps that I've been at work for five hours and still have at least 7 to go. Not sure why I decided a tax accountant was this great career choice. It doesn't leave much time to be able to deal with life and all the issues right now.

My husband came home from rehab on Monday. He seemed positive and in a good place. I cancelled the babysitter for the day and he spent the day with our 7 month old and went to his meetings. She seemed overjoyed that her daddy was home. Tuesday he started a 9-4 outpatient treatment program for the remainder of the week and next week he will start back to work and an evening program from 6-9. It felt good to have him back home. I can't say it wasn't awkward at first, but that quickly went away.

I'm trying to step back and stay detached from his recovery and let it be his. I'm not sure what exactly I am feeling with everything. I feel like today my feelings and emotions let down. In a way while he was gone, I think I was just going through the motions of each day, getting up, the baby ready, getting her to whatever sitter I had lined up for the day, working a 12 hour day, picking up the baby, getting home in time to put her to bed, get everything done for the next day, eating a quick dinner, and going to bed to do it again. I felt like a machine on autopilot and now that he is home, my body and emotions can't seem to keep functioning the same way. I let down, but at the same time I don't feel that I have time to stop and let everything catch up with me. Today I just want to cry and feel sorry for myself, be overcome with the stress, but what will that get me. I did start seeing a therapist last week and it really seemed that it may help, but its hard to fit into my schedule right now, as awful as that sounds, it is just another thing to find a sitter for and figure out how early I have to get to work to get my time in for the day to be able to leave. I feel like I'm being the worlds worst mom at the moment because I see my daughter maybe an hour in the morning and an hour at night. She gets physical therapy that I am supposed to do everyday at home with her, but its hard to fit it in.
I don't really know what I am asking. Just maybe does it get better. My husband has been a great father and is wonderful with our daughter, but it makes me anxious with them being together. He's clean and in recovery, but I'm still nervous about it. I also don't know what to expect. He being home is new right now and still very early, but do I expect him to carry his share as before? I don't want to shelter him or coddle him, but I don't want to overwhelm him as well, even though I may be at that point.
I know that he and I will need counseling of our own, but right now he has to focus on his recovery and I am trying to focus on my daughter and I, but at the same time he's a part of the family as well. I think it helps just getting my feelings out there, and not staying so bottled up.
Any suggestions, advice?