I'm not sure what all to say because this is a sensitive area for me, too.
Your father may never be the father that you want him to be. That is the attitude I've gone to in my life. When it comes to my father, I'd more like to accept that he is who he is. It is not my fault that he does the things he does. It's not that I'm not worthy, or I'm not good enough, or I said the wrong thing when I was 5, etc. Who knows what it is. Maybe it is easier for me because I have no relationship with him at all (mostly by choice). That's when I find the inner child work to be helpful. I can be my own parent and take care of myself. Yes, I was hurt as a kid because I didn't have a father. As an adult, I can fulfill my own needs. I hope that makes sense.