With me, he made the decision to leave which sometimes makes it all the more confusing for me in terms of his behaviour.
Green Eyes, this was the same for me the FIRST time we separated. I was angry all the time about his drinking and not coming home and not doing anything around the house and just not seeming to care about anyone but himself. I became scuh a nag and simply no fun to come home to, so he decided to leave.
Oh my GOD it hurt.
Oh my GOD, I really really can't describe it. Gut wrenching. Mind numbing. I ached. I cried. I OBSESSED.
I really obsessed. I relived all kinds of moments of our realtionship iver and over, like I'd find a solution in there. Conversations, actions, I second-guessed them all. Keep seeking signs that in there somewhere he loved me and if I could figure it out I could fix it.
I call that time my zombie period. I really went through the motions of life.
But this board saved me, in my opinion. I talked on her eand readher and read Melody Beattie's Codependent No More book.
And I started to learn, and it started to sink in. I kind of started to see him as "an alcoholic" instead of as the guy in my fantasy. He was just so stereotypical, so much I read here was him.
I started taking the small steps recommended. I made lots of plans with friends so as not to be alone with my thoughts. If it hurt too much to be inn our house, I spent less time there. Even with my friends or coworkers I'd be like a zombie, still ind of slipping into obsessive thought about him while at dinner or a party. But I was there. And I was forced more and more to at least SEEM like I was participating.
Little by little I started to enjoy those times more, and to appreciate that I was having a little fun. And doing some things I never got to do when he was around. I controlle the TV remote and watched lots of shows he hated, like Murder She Wrote. LOL!
I started to feel free, actually. Free to come and go as I pleased, no longer having to worry what he did or didn't do, or when he'd be home. I started to say to my friends the things I DIDN'T miss. I also did open up and tlak about my feelings to lots of people.
I was aware I was repeating myself a lot, going over the same stuff time and again to my best friend or my mother-in-law. But they were kind and supportive and would listen. And it helped me. Just to keep having them reinforce that I was right, that was all I needed.
I could go on but this is already way long.
Hope my sharing somehow helps. For me just seeing that nothing about my situation, even the tiniest details like things he said, were unique made a difference to me. He was just textbook alcoholism. It wasn't personal, and I finally got the notion of the three C's - Can't Change it : Didn't Cause it : Can't Cure it (something like that)